It is easy to believe in soulmates when Hollywood offers a constant stream of perfect relationships and social media only shows picture perfect partnerships. While about 2/3 of Americans believe in soulmates, the term can be dangerous. It can lead to unattainable perfection in a relationship, which does not exist. When someone believes in soulmates, they are unwilling to work on a relationship, but conflict is actually good to some degree as it forces us to grow.
People on a soulmate search can end up on a quest that never ends. Too often, a person is looking for someone to complete them, but relationships are meant to be enhancements, not necessities. So, instead of a soulmate search, look for a realistic, healthy, and honest relationship. The following explains how to get started.
Write It Out
Take time to jot down the qualities in someone that appeal to you. Look for specific qualities, not vague ideas. Write out what is most important to you, not others. This is a form of self-exploration. The focus should be on personality traits over a specific job or interests. From there, move on to objective traits that are important to you like religion, ethnicity, or other areas that are necessary. Keep the list as you meet someone and the relationship progresses. This allows you to check in and see how the new person stacks up to your wants and needs.
Observe the relationships of those around you to know what you want or want to avoid. Instagram relationships are not realistic, look for those you see in real life. If you are close enough to someone, do not be afraid to ask them what makes their relationship work or where there are problems. Make mental notes of what you like and what to avoid.
Make Yourself a Priority
While most people do not understand this, every healthy relationship starts with focusing on the self. Some people look for a soulmate to fill a personal need, but this does not work. Instead, spend time on yourself in every way, personal, career, self-improvement, to prepare for a relationship. When you are content with yourself, you are ready for a relationship. If you are already committed to someone, grow as individuals and together. This creates a healthier relationship and partnership.